Everything has been really heavy lately. I feel like I’m doing the limbo with my eyes closed. Feeling more than a little lost, stuck in that cold harsh stormy place when it’s at it’s absolute ugliest, just before the rainbow appears. Waiting for the rainbow. Trying my best just to wait for the rainbow.
Last night, it felt like it was about to snow when I stepped off the bus into a small group of people who were huddled together with their head bowed slightly in solidarity. As I moved toward them on the sidewalk they broke from their huddle and turned toward me.
A tall man with a dark hat that came down over his face and half covering his wet brown eyes, smiled warmly and raised a steaming paper cup, offering me a hot chocolate and a prayer. I chuckled lightly not able to remember the last time I had prayed, trying to think of exactly when it was that I had stopped believing in God. I normally would’ve smiled politely and kept walking, I’m not really sure why I even stopped.
A woman came to my side and touched my arm lightly and asked me quietly what she should pray for. My brain searched for a moment and my heart ached for all the things that were going on in my life- the overwhelming financial burdens, the day to day stresses and the constantly draining fatigue of just trying to hold all the pieces together, just trying to get through the day. But none of it seemed important in that moment, none of it seemed worthy of prayer.
I was self conscious as I lifted my head and my eyes met hers.
“For my daughters… for their health, for their safety, for their growth.”
She took my hand in hers and started, “Oh Heavenly Father..” and as she spoke, I could feel her energy and the warmth of her hand in mine, incandescent in the bitter cold. And then we were both praying, gently swaying back and forth on that busy sidewalk together, And it didn’t matter what we each believed in or which god we were praying to. We were just praying, praying with everything we had, praying for what was important, for these two precious girls.
And as I walked down the sidewalk away from them, still with my steaming paper cup of hot chocolate, I smiled as I sipped it – feeling strangely lighter and amazed at just how good that hot chocolate could taste.