I keep on opening the browser, writing a sentence and then closing the browser. I have 7 drafts saying things like “I’m overwhelmed by emotions.”, “There are lots of changes happening.”, “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about this yet.”
And so I’ve walked away.
Some of you already know this but mostly I’ve kept my mouth pretty shut (if you don’t talk about it, you don’t have to deal with it, right?). For the past two years or so, Syx and I have seriously considered a move to Ontario. Over the past year the talk has turned to plans, and over the past 4 months, those plans have turned to action.
It sucks and it doesn’t suck. My heart is completely on the fence. It’s agonizing to leave the place I’ve grown up, the place I call home. But on the other side, we have friends and family welcoming us with open arms and over the past few years, I’ve found a second home in that place and in those relationships. I’m still scared shitless. I’m scared I won’t be able to find a job in my field, I’m scared we’re being over-optimistic about Syx being able to run photography workshops, I’m scared we won’t be able to break into the wedding photography market in the area.
But I look at the things we do have, the things we’re guaranteed, that’s what keeps me going. More family support and affordable child care, real homes, DREAM homes we can afford to buy, in another year, Armenie will have full time kindergarten available to her at age 4…. not to mention every. single. thing. costs significantly less than in Vancouver.
I’m not trying to diss you Vancouver, I’m really not. God knows how much I love your summer nights on the stoop that last well into September, your amazing population of weird and wonderful people, our days spent on your beaches with that view, and the millions of other intangible things that aren’t even possible to put into words. If a reasonable family home didn’t cost 1.3 million dollars, I might stay with you forever, but we ALL know that’s not the case.
So like I said, my heart is teetering on the fence here, but I’m opening myself and taking a chance. At this point my life, our lives – this is what’s best for my family. It’s sink or swim – now or never… we can’t keep treading water forever. As lovely as our little home on garden and grant was, it wasn’t ours… The truth is, we have dreams that are bigger than Vancouver and living here means this little family can’t afford them. We want to travel together, we want to have our own studio again, we want to be able to give our daughters the opportunities that they deserve. That we all deserve.
So for the next two and a half months we’re in Delta, living in my parents house with all our belongings in storage. I’m feeling a little displaced to say the least. We’ll be making the move at the end of August to have Hanna there in time for her to start kindergarten. Big changes coming, big changes have already happened.
Please send us your positive energy, we’re going to need some light and love on this new stage in our lives.
Leamington Ontario – here we come!